Writing is flying in dreams

my whereabouts

Samantha a.k.a musicanata a.k.a stayinblue
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pcgps->pcghs->mgs->nyjc->ntu-lms
mgs.handbell.choir
nyjc.piano.ensemble

mayday sodagreen wonfu naturalq bearbabes lpn neon totem tizzybac echo peppermints freckles orangegrass at17 pixeltoy the marshmallow kisses tortebus
deserts cheer yuheng angela waa ciacia peggy joanna dessy icy ze ivana queen luguangzhong dt emil gary zchen victor biung purdur europa chet yoga

jackjohnson damienrice frente katerusby adele club 8 travis thebeatles johnlennon

the dogs were barking like a mad lot outside, they sounded like they were crying for me.
i don't know what to do. i really love you, although you are the wrong person.
i've never loved someone this way before. i miss the happy times together.

but what can i do. i was never one that rebelled against my parents. i hate seeing them heartbroken, tears streaming down their faces for me. i hate myself for their sleepless nights and worried faces.

the following months, will be tough ones for you and me. i know i have to get used to you not being around. with all the odd glances in hall and questioning from everyone. but it doesn't matter. all i worry about is if you are strong enough to face this. strong enough to preserve yourself for the right one to come along.

i'm sorry. i'm really really sorry for breaking all your dreams, but i can't turn my back on my parents.

deep down i'm really afraid. i'm so scared i can't pull through this few months. and i wonder when i will ever heal again. walking on the paths we used to share. the places with our memories. i don't know anymore. i just wish you will be strong enough to be happy again one day. then it won't matter anymore how sad or how weak i am.

i'm sorry. =(

Saturday, December 27, 2008 at 2:03 AM

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uber proud of myself for finishing the buddhism essay. breakthrough man. can never imagine myself writing on buddhism. haha. pat on the back! this week will be a tough one. hold on tight!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008 at 3:24 AM

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since i was a little girl i dreamt of playing the harp. its just so....anglical. so pure. something that is out of reach. one of my resolutions this year was to pick up the harp, but i found out how expensive a harp was o.o although i can always rent it but..i knew i couldn't afford. i can't even pay for my living expenses. i need to get a job =(

anyway. harpfest in 4 weeks time. i can't think of anyone to go to the opening concert with me..its been ages since i went for a concert alone. maybe..i should go alone?

watching a concert alone is an extraordinary experience. it is somewhat different from watching it with friends. you delve into thoughts deeper and somehow, you are more immersed in the music. =)

Thursday, October 02, 2008 at 12:26 AM

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oh no.
is it you? or is it just me.
somehow i'm losing control...
but i thank you for being there.
i feel cared for.

Friday, September 26, 2008 at 4:01 AM

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sometimes things don't turn out the way you want it to be..

sometimes you regret over things you know won't change even if you regret all the time.. >.<

i need to wind my biological clock.

how should i change the way my life looks like now.

i want to have more time to study because linguistics is such a deep and broad subject..
i want to watch those movies i've always wanted to watch that are stacking up high
i want to watch my collection of french movies and practice french a lot more
i want to finish reading my glass books book
i want to watch my buffered simpsons episode
i want to get the hang of my blurry chinese history
i want to give mum in japan, dad and bro in penang a big big hug

so many i wants. hah. we should have played i want instead of i never. i would have been drunk. XD

good night world.

Monday, September 08, 2008 at 3:32 AM

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o.O
teletubbies are evil
teletubbies are creepy
teletubbies are speaks distorted languages
teletubbies are misleading
wonder how they sound like in other languages...

but i'm glad i didn't grow up with teletubbies XD
children under 2 shouldn't watch tv? o.O did i watch tv before 2?

Wednesday, September 03, 2008 at 1:10 AM

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uni life is a craze. hectic, fast-winded, you seem to be enjoying yourself but yet you feel so lost.
you feel this vague grasp of what you need to do but you are being rushed by the limited amount of time.

i love my uni life. i love going to lectures with superb professors that never fail to make our lessons as fun and as intriguing as ever. i love going to tutorials that makes you ponder over the tiniest everyday life detail. i love meeting new nice people around the campus. i love walking up the slope to my seclude room although it IS tiring. i love being involved and being part of NTU.

but yet i feel that i am losing parts of myself..parts which i hold dear to..
i'm losing my passion for music, leave alone not producing music, i don't even listen to them as frequently anymore. i feel like i'm more and more distant from my dream. >< last night after the long talk with mona by the piano, i felt the sudden awakening in my heart to go back to them. i cried myself to sleep listening to those songs and music i love. i really hope i'll get the position of the music director. i need to be in touch again.

i'm losing my habit of reading. i have been reading the glass books of dream eaters since forever. >< its gonna make a record cuz i've never held on to a book that long before. but i simply have no time!! there are tons of readings for every of my subject its scary. for once in my life the idea of reading traumatises me. rar.

and i feel as if i can't write anymore. i'm afraid. i don't want to lose that.

i guess i can't be greedy. but these are things precious to me. can i just be greedy for this lifetime?

Saturday, August 30, 2008 at 11:46 AM

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